as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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