you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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