Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
