It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
