Just cropdusted the office
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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