the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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