I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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