Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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