As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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