I'm jealous of your bromance
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
