It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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