Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
