I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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