No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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