I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
