Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it's like iHOP with fire
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
