walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
