U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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