Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Someone came in the potted fern
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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