dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize