I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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