hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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