i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
