In the future we'll all be gay
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize