I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
