I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
