you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
