this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
