The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
