A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no you cant smoke seaweed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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