I hate your face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
