I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
