this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
