Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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