hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
