If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize