It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
how does that bad decision feel?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
