My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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