I love black thongs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
