i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
