I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
