Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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