so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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