i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
