i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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