Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
