note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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