So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my being single is dangerous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
