i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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