So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
