my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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