Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
