I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
