I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
