Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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