Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
