I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
