How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
