That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
