this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
