So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
