There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
