She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
