i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
