so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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