Will you blow on my dice?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
