So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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