Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
