are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
