i love accidental penises.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
