WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
