hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Damn victory sex feels great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
