Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
