dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
