i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
