Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just wanna soil my oats bro
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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