yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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