On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
