wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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