I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
