im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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